Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Marmaduke's ex-wife has found him after 3 years of searching. Needless to say, she is going to take Marmaduke to the cleaners for all the alimony he owes her.

Monday, May 4, 2009

There are two options before me: 1. That is the smallest street-legal car ever made and is being driven by tiny, tiny people. 2. Marmaduke has increased in size by a factor of 4. He now weighs over 700 pounds and stands more than 6 feet tall.

No matter what you choose to believe, Marmaduke will soon attempt to mate with the car with devastating results for the tiny people inside.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Marmaduke is in love with meat.

Yes, that is a gay joke. A gay dog joke.

Friday, May 1, 2009

This is a complete metaphor of Marmaduke's Owner-Man's life. Marmaduke has a handle on everything in Owner-Man's life and Owner-Man is just trying to keep up so he doesn't look like a complete douche-bag. Unfortunately it isn't working.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Marmaduke has been hypnotized by Neighbor-Man's potbelly. Unfortunately for Neighbor-Man, Marmaduke has not been hypnotized into thinking he's a chicken, but into attacking anything that comes into his field of vision, much like Christian Bale.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Marmaduke is truly terrified by the Blue (previously confined to far off locations and only effecting others) that is slowly creeping towards his house. The Creeping Blue has turned the Neighbor-Family into zombie-like creatures, Marmaduke's only weakness.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Marmaduke is having an Ultra-Seizure is purgatory.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Marmaduke's Owner-Man was going to play ball with his children, but Marmaduke stole and buried the ball. Marmaduke's Owner-Man was relieved after he remembered his debilitating rheumatoid arthritis makes it impossible for him to grip a ball.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Marmaduke is having a seizure on his Owner-Lady's bed. She has no idea what a seizure looks like in a dog and assumes that he is merely being an asshole. Marmaduke will take revenge when, and if, he regains movement in his legs.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Anderson's are aware that a product called 'Xbox' exists and that it was once popular among children. They are not aware that no child alive today would actually want an Xbox and than if even if one did possess such an item, they would never trade it for a dog. Especially not one that has homicidal tendencies.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Marmaduke is indistinguishable from his Owner-Man when he's inside you.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Marmaduke is digging a basement for his dog-house. His Owner-Man is hoping he'll hit a gas leak and explode so the tyranny will end. It will not.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Marmaduke is terrorizing an unknown man. This man, besides being a Jon Meacham fan, is wholly unaware that Marmaduke is not a visitor and is, in fact, a demon spawned from Satan's own loins.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Marmaduke's Owner-Man has just looked into the Ark of the Covenant. Also, he's a chauvinist pig.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Marmaduke is sorry for eating all the buffalo wings. He'll be even more sorry in a few hours when they make their next appearance.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

After having been denied for his previous loan, Marmaduke is now trying to scam the student finance branch of 1st Bank. Marmaduke has also increased in mass again in an attempt to look more imposing to the loan officer in the hopes of being approved for his 'school' loan.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Exciting news, everyone! There is now a message board for xy Explains Marmaduke for the Masses. Go there and enjoy!

Marmaduke has mistaken an officer of the law (who says that anymore?) for the ass of another dog. He cannot be blamed for this mistake as many officers of the law are, in fact, assholes (especially the ones that call themselves an officer of the law, just say cop or police officer, douchebag).

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Marmaduke's legs could snap at any moment because, unlike the rest of his body, they do not grow proportionally when he changes his mass.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Marmaduke missed with his initial bite. The child's death will be much more painful as a result, what with all the sexual assault.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Marmaduke is confused. Doesn't everybody used bones for money these days? I mean, the exchange rate clearly favors the bone over the dollar.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Marmaduke has increased in size by a factor of 2 but Zelda the Clairvoyant/Fortune Teller/Palm Reader doesn't see this as a reason to acquiesce to his request. Probably because she an ex-con on parole for palm-reading fraud.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Marmaduke is running a Hotel for Dogs. This hotel will be more like the Bates Motel than the one from the children's movie except for the men-in-women's-clothing and mummy angles.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Marmaduke's star ho didn't turn enough tricks today.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Marmaduke is one cool customer.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Contrary to Marmaduke's Owner-Family's thoughts, Marmaduke is our only hope of solving the economic crisis.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Marmaduke will soon be subjected to such messages as 'Marmaduke is an asshole'.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Marmaduke's Owner-Family doesn't realize how lucky it is that Marmaduke has been trapped outside.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Marmaduke has used his dark powers to open a dimensional gate. Marmaduke's Owner-Man is of a lower order of consciousness and ,therefore, cannot see this gate even though he is being sucked into it.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Marmaduke's Owner-Man is trying to get revenge for all the sexual abuse he has suffered at the paw of Marmaduke. Little does he realize that Marmaduke is merely pretending to sleep and will ruin Owner-Man with his anger.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I'm going to break character for a minute and tell you about the advertising. In an attempt to make as much as 0.0002 pennies a day, I am now selling ads through Project Wonderful. It's a great way to get yourself seen for a pretty small amount of money. Most of the ads on this site are free or in the 1-2 cent range, so if you want to get the word out to as many as 50 people a day, go to Project Wonderful and sign up.

Any questions or comments about the site should be directed at this post because I do not respond to everyday posts. This is to ensure that you get the purest experience possible. I do read the comments and they're funny as hell most of the time, so keep it up.
Marmaduke has, once again, put on his blackface. He's lucky there are no people that have any color in the area that he lives in.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Marmaduke is the reason that the economy collapsed. He knows damn well that he can't afford to buy that $500,000 house, but he just has to keep up with that Boxer across the street.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Marmaduke is a racist because he doesn't want his old chair to end up with the Non-colored people.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Marmaduke has become a drug dog. A drug trafficking dog, that is.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Marmaduke is a giving lover. This causes problems when he perceives someone to be his lover and they do not.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Honestly, the Anderson's aren't even trying to disguise the relationship between Marmaduke and his Owner-Lady anymore.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Marmaduke's Owner-Lady tried to live life in the slow lane, but Marmaduke is a go-go type of dog and wants her to get back into the fast lane.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Marmaduke is trying to lay low at his Owner-Family's house. The police are on to him though and have surrounded the building disguised as Animal Control.

Also, Marmaduke's Owner-Lady is reading STUFF for some reason. I always thought that was a magazine for men. Once again, the Anderson's fail to remain relevant

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Marmaduke is trapped in his dog-house. This makes no sense because: a) Marmaduke is a dog and thus has the capability to dig, b) Marmaduke is usually represented as being at least 3 feet tall, which is much higher than the snow on the ground, and could just walk out of his dog-house. The dog-house also brings certain questions to mind such as: how does such a giant dog fit into such a small house?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Marmaduke has stolen his Owner-Man's credit card number and used it to download accordion music from iTunes.

It perplexes me that a dog has the ability to steal credit card information.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Small children are shooting pucks at Marmaduke. Clearly they do not realize the danger of pissing off a gigantic dog that has no qualms about eating small children.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The creators of Marmaduke do not understand how microwave popcorn works.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Marmaduke's Owner-Lady is upset because Marmaduke didn't let her finish last night.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Marmaduke's chair has committed suicide.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Marmaduke is a dirty, dirty boy. Marmaduke's Owner-Lady knows this very well.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Marmaduke has traveled to a land where there is no color and for some reason is being penalized for it.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Marmaduke has a tooth-ache from the 18th century.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Marmaduke moved all his money out of the stock market before it collapsed. Marmaduke's Owner-Man was not as shrewd with his money.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

For the first time in his life, Marmaduke wants to reciprocate.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Marmaduke has empathy towards other living things, as long as they aren't human.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Marmaduke is cold-blooded. This explains his enormous size and his thirst for human blood.