xy Explains Marmaduke for the Masses

2011-03-14T21:23:00.000-05:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Girl is unwittingly releasing Marmaduke's true spirit from it's eternal prison. Now we will all know the wrath of Marmaduke.

2011-02-07T22:01:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke is not good at spying for you see, he is a very large dog.

2011-02-04T20:16:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke is remarkably talented but his Owner-Lady is unimpressed.

2010-03-02T13:33:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke is waiting for his Owner-Man to get home so that he can answer the phone and set off the explosive rigged inside of it. Then Marmaduke and his Owner-Lady can be together forever.

2010-02-25T15:45:00.000-06:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Lady is showing signs of awareness for the first time in years. She will need to be reconditioned in Marmaduke's House of Horrors.

2010-02-08T14:33:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke, affectionately called Marm by Owner-Lady, has lost Owner-Man on the daily walk. Owner-Lady wants to know where Marm thinks all his Owner-Men come from because she has to clone him everytime Marm kills him or cripples him and leaves him to die.

2010-02-03T16:05:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke waited to eat his Barfo brand dogfood so as to annoy his owner's to the fullest.

Isn't he just the most devious dog there is?

2010-02-02T15:24:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke has been mistaken for a human criminal by the police and judicial system in his town. At least they got one part right.

2010-02-01T17:17:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke plans on taking a new route for his daily drag Owner-Man hour, aka walk. Owner-Man fears that the new route will take them deep into the ocean and that the Coast Guard should be notified if they do not return. But Marmaduke isn't so stupid as to endanger his own life, he's merely taking Owner-Man to a secluded place where things shall be done. Only Marmaduke knows for sure what they might be.

Marmaduke's Owner-Man is exaggerating how much it is raining.

2010-01-28T18:51:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke is 'accidentally' stepping into the bathroom and catching his Owner-Lady in a compromising position.

It's not compromising because she's in the tub, it's compromising because Marmaduke hates when people masturbate in his house.

2010-01-27T18:09:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry, but this is too retarded for even me to come up with something.

2010-01-25T15:41:00.001-06:00

Once again, Marmaduke wants to go swimming.

2010-01-21T17:17:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke has trained his Owner-Man to have a seizure whenever he barks. This causes hilarity when Marmaduke barks and Owner-Man is holding something, such as water, near his head.

2010-01-20T16:50:00.000-06:00

Marmaduke is slowly becoming people.

2010-01-19T04:33:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Lady has grown so used Marmaduke destroying things and eating other things that she gets concerned when he decides to take a day off.

2010-01-18T04:24:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke has eaten some poisonous mushrooms and is hallucinating that he is about to eat the last leprechaun thereby putting another species on his list of creatures he has personally extincted.

2010-01-15T17:50:00.003-06:00

Marmaduke is amazed that someone whose lot in life is to sell brushes door-to-door would have enough foresight to carry something to scare dogs, the door-to-door salesman's worst enemy.

2010-01-14T23:40:00.000-06:00

Marmaduke is fascinated by a twirling hand. For now.

2010-01-13T14:41:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke thinks he is Lassie.

2010-01-12T16:14:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke is not playing dead. The shell that we recognize as Marmaduke is merely empty and awaiting a new demon to inhabit it at which point it will likely eat the veterinarian's hand as he or she performs routine examinations.

2010-01-11T17:04:00.003-06:00

Maramduke is attempting to be nice to his Owner-Man for reasons unknown. Marmaduke's Owner-Man is mistaking this for one of Marmaduke's attempts to annoy and/or crush Owner-Man's pelvis.

2009-05-05T09:38:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke's ex-wife has found him after 3 years of searching. Needless to say, she is going to take Marmaduke to the cleaners for all the alimony he owes her.

2009-05-04T11:24:00.003-05:00

There are two options before me: 1. That is the smallest street-legal car ever made and is being driven by tiny, tiny people. 2. Marmaduke has increased in size by a factor of 4. He now weighs over 700 pounds and stands more than 6 feet tall.

No matter what you choose to believe, Marmaduke will soon attempt to mate with the car with devastating results for the tiny people inside.

2009-05-02T14:11:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is in love with meat.

Yes, that is a gay joke. A gay dog joke.

2009-05-01T10:40:00.002-05:00

This is a complete metaphor of Marmaduke's Owner-Man's life. Marmaduke has a handle on everything in Owner-Man's life and Owner-Man is just trying to keep up so he doesn't look like a complete douche-bag. Unfortunately it isn't working.

2009-04-30T11:27:00.004-05:00

Marmaduke has been hypnotized by Neighbor-Man's potbelly. Unfortunately for Neighbor-Man, Marmaduke has not been hypnotized into thinking he's a chicken, but into attacking anything that comes into his field of vision, much like Christian Bale.

2009-04-29T13:17:00.006-05:00

Marmaduke is truly terrified by the Blue (previously confined to far off locations and only effecting others) that is slowly creeping towards his house. The Creeping Blue has turned the Neighbor-Family into zombie-like creatures, Marmaduke's only weakness.

2009-04-28T11:14:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is having an Ultra-Seizure is purgatory.

2009-04-27T09:24:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Man was going to play ball with his children, but Marmaduke stole and buried the ball. Marmaduke's Owner-Man was relieved after he remembered his debilitating rheumatoid arthritis makes it impossible for him to grip a ball.

2009-04-24T10:59:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is having a seizure on his Owner-Lady's bed. She has no idea what a seizure looks like in a dog and assumes that he is merely being an asshole. Marmaduke will take revenge when, and if, he regains movement in his legs.

2009-04-23T12:10:00.002-05:00

The Anderson's are aware that a product called 'Xbox' exists and that it was once popular among children. They are not aware that no child alive today would actually want an Xbox and than if even if one did possess such an item, they would never trade it for a dog. Especially not one that has homicidal tendencies.

2009-04-22T11:36:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is indistinguishable from his Owner-Man when he's inside you.

2009-04-21T11:07:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke is digging a basement for his dog-house. His Owner-Man is hoping he'll hit a gas leak and explode so the tyranny will end. It will not.

2009-04-20T10:55:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is terrorizing an unknown man. This man, besides being a Jon Meacham fan, is wholly unaware that Marmaduke is not a visitor and is, in fact, a demon spawned from Satan's own loins.

2009-04-18T12:56:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Man has just looked into the Ark of the Covenant. Also, he's a chauvinist pig.

2009-04-17T11:29:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke is sorry for eating all the buffalo wings. He'll be even more sorry in a few hours when they make their next appearance.

2009-04-16T11:08:00.002-05:00

After having been denied for his previous loan, Marmaduke is now trying to scam the student finance branch of 1st Bank. Marmaduke has also increased in mass again in an attempt to look more imposing to the loan officer in the hopes of being approved for his 'school' loan.

2009-04-15T15:05:00.003-05:00

Exciting news, everyone! There is now a message board for xy Explains Marmaduke for the Masses. Go there and enjoy!

The Message Board

2009-04-15T11:58:00.004-05:00

Marmaduke has mistaken an officer of the law (who says that anymore?) for the ass of another dog. He cannot be blamed for this mistake as many officers of the law are, in fact, assholes (especially the ones that call themselves an officer of the law, just say cop or police officer, douchebag).

2009-04-14T11:30:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke's legs could snap at any moment because, unlike the rest of his body, they do not grow proportionally when he changes his mass.

2009-04-13T13:44:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke missed with his initial bite. The child's death will be much more painful as a result, what with all the sexual assault.

2009-04-11T12:55:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke is confused. Doesn't everybody used bones for money these days? I mean, the exchange rate clearly favors the bone over the dollar.

2009-04-10T10:45:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke has increased in size by a factor of 2 but Zelda the Clairvoyant/Fortune Teller/Palm Reader doesn't see this as a reason to acquiesce to his request. Probably because she an ex-con on parole for palm-reading fraud.

2009-04-09T10:50:00.003-05:00

Marmaduke is running a Hotel for Dogs. This hotel will be more like the Bates Motel than the one from the children's movie except for the men-in-women's-clothing and mummy angles.

2009-04-08T10:52:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke's star ho didn't turn enough tricks today.

2009-04-07T10:53:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke is one cool customer.

2009-04-06T10:51:00.002-05:00

Contrary to Marmaduke's Owner-Family's thoughts, Marmaduke is our only hope of solving the economic crisis.

2009-04-04T14:35:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke will soon be subjected to such messages as 'Marmaduke is an asshole'.

2009-04-03T10:49:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Family doesn't realize how lucky it is that Marmaduke has been trapped outside.

2009-04-02T08:55:00.000-05:00

Marmaduke has used his dark powers to open a dimensional gate. Marmaduke's Owner-Man is of a lower order of consciousness and ,therefore, cannot see this gate even though he is being sucked into it.

2009-04-01T10:56:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Man is trying to get revenge for all the sexual abuse he has suffered at the paw of Marmaduke. Little does he realize that Marmaduke is merely pretending to sleep and will ruin Owner-Man with his anger.

2009-03-31T10:57:00.003-05:00

I'm going to break character for a minute and tell you about the advertising. In an attempt to make as much as 0.0002 pennies a day, I am now selling ads through Project Wonderful. It's a great way to get yourself seen for a pretty small amount of money. Most of the ads on this site are free or in the 1-2 cent range, so if you want to get the word out to as many as 50 people a day, go to Project Wonderful and sign up.

Any questions or comments about the site should be directed at this post because I do not respond to everyday posts. This is to ensure that you get the purest experience possible. I do read the comments and they're funny as hell most of the time, so keep it up.

2009-03-31T08:55:00.003-05:00

Marmaduke has, once again, put on his blackface. He's lucky there are no people that have any color in the area that he lives in.

2009-03-30T11:04:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke is the reason that the economy collapsed. He knows damn well that he can't afford to buy that $500,000 house, but he just has to keep up with that Boxer across the street.

2009-03-28T14:34:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is a racist because he doesn't want his old chair to end up with the Non-colored people.

2009-03-27T11:25:00.004-05:00

Marmaduke has become a drug dog. A drug trafficking dog, that is.

2009-03-26T09:26:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is a giving lover. This causes problems when he perceives someone to be his lover and they do not.

2009-03-25T10:53:00.002-05:00

Honestly, the Anderson's aren't even trying to disguise the relationship between Marmaduke and his Owner-Lady anymore.

2009-03-24T11:02:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Lady tried to live life in the slow lane, but Marmaduke is a go-go type of dog and wants her to get back into the fast lane.

2009-03-23T08:44:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke is trying to lay low at his Owner-Family's house. The police are on to him though and have surrounded the building disguised as Animal Control.

Also, Marmaduke's Owner-Lady is reading STUFF for some reason. I always thought that was a magazine for men. Once again, the Anderson's fail to remain relevant

2009-03-21T13:46:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke is trapped in his dog-house. This makes no sense because: a) Marmaduke is a dog and thus has the capability to dig, b) Marmaduke is usually represented as being at least 3 feet tall, which is much higher than the snow on the ground, and could just walk out of his dog-house. The dog-house also brings certain questions to mind such as: how does such a giant dog fit into such a small house?

2009-03-20T10:52:00.003-05:00

Marmaduke has stolen his Owner-Man's credit card number and used it to download accordion music from iTunes.

It perplexes me that a dog has the ability to steal credit card information.

2009-03-19T11:14:00.001-05:00

Small children are shooting pucks at Marmaduke. Clearly they do not realize the danger of pissing off a gigantic dog that has no qualms about eating small children.

2009-03-18T10:51:00.000-05:00

The creators of Marmaduke do not understand how microwave popcorn works.

2009-03-17T10:53:00.003-05:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Lady is upset because Marmaduke didn't let her finish last night.

2009-03-16T10:52:00.000-05:00

Marmaduke's chair has committed suicide.

2009-03-14T13:42:00.001-05:00

Marmaduke is a dirty, dirty boy. Marmaduke's Owner-Lady knows this very well.

2009-03-13T11:46:00.000-05:00

Marmaduke has traveled to a land where there is no color and for some reason is being penalized for it.

2009-03-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

Marmaduke has a tooth-ache from the 18th century.

2009-03-11T12:57:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke moved all his money out of the stock market before it collapsed. Marmaduke's Owner-Man was not as shrewd with his money.

2009-03-10T12:52:00.002-05:00

For the first time in his life, Marmaduke wants to reciprocate.

2009-03-09T12:16:00.002-05:00

Marmaduke has empathy towards other living things, as long as they aren't human.

2009-03-07T14:06:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke is cold-blooded. This explains his enormous size and his thirst for human blood.

2009-03-06T18:25:00.001-06:00

Holy shitballs Batman! Joe Mathlete has a new Marmaduke explained! With any luck he'll give us all what we want and keep doing it this time.

In the meantime, I will continue to do my crappy blog, but you really should check out Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke while it's new.

2009-03-06T08:42:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke is attempting to rape his Owner-Family's car. To be fair, it was acting very seductive, driving around without a hood, almost like it wanted it.

2009-03-05T10:51:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke has returned from a bukkake party.

2009-03-04T08:54:00.003-06:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Family only has enough money to order food for Marmaduke. Marmaduke's Owner-Man is tiring of this arrangement, but is unable to get a raise due to his poor job performance which, in turn, is due to his lack of nutrition.

2009-03-03T08:53:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Lady is trying to explain to Marmaduke why they can't have an afternoon liaison.

2009-03-02T08:47:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke is in blackface.

2009-02-27T10:35:00.003-06:00

Marmaduke has reduced in size by half. This makes him the only known species that can change mass at will.

2009-02-26T11:08:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke is part horse.

2009-02-25T08:52:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke's bark is so powerful that it can control weather patterns.

2009-02-24T09:14:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Boy is fluent in dog and wants to hear of Marmaduke's many conquests.

2009-02-23T11:43:00.003-06:00

Marmaduke has been tracked down by one of the many dogs he has fathered children with.

2009-02-21T13:25:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke is about to show his Owner-Man why you should never pretend to throw the stick.

2009-02-20T12:20:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke desparately wants to lick a pussy.

2009-02-19T11:32:00.003-06:00

Marmaduke's Owner-Man is silently pleading with Marmaduke to not murder the old man. Marmaduke will ignore his Owner-Man and devour the old man and whatever is contained in his hump.

2009-02-18T11:22:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke needs a fridge with a lock to store his victims/food supply.

2009-02-17T13:17:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke is engaged in a battle for control of the underworld. Rest assured, he will win.

2009-02-16T12:54:00.001-06:00

There is no escape from Marmaduke's infinite hunger.

2009-02-14T11:21:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke has trained his owner-boy to do unspeakable things.

2009-02-13T10:42:00.001-06:00

Marmaduke is qualifing for the Daytona 500.

2009-02-12T13:18:00.002-06:00

Marmaduke wants to go swimming.

2009-02-11T13:25:00.003-06:00

This is the first post!

Wow, that was kind of gay. Oh well.

This here is a new blog focusing solely on Marmaduke. I will attempt to explain the ways of the giant dog and his family/hostages. I am starting this because the best blog I have ever read was Joe Mathlete's Marmaduke Explained and he has retired from it. I realize that I will not be as funny as Joe, but I can try, because someone has to do it.

EDIT: Since the date of this post, Joe Mathlete has come out of retirement and is updating sporadically.

Marmaduke is a fugitive from US law enforcement and an endangered species, Cannus homicidus.

Who knew?